Screaming, blaming the God (Part I)

 

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Hello!

For today, Izz bawakan one of the most saddest moments in my life, sepanjang Izz hidup. The moment I know how is it to feel depressed, devastated, insecure, and many more. 💔 Izz sebenarnya tak nak share this story, but one of you guys ada tanya Izz about my skincare. So, I have to tell this story first, baru Izz akan come out dengan skincare Izz. Topic for today? Of course my skincare journey !😔

SPM ended, December 2018. Hujan. On the way home, snap a selfie in my car, as I said hujan kan so camera snapchat becomes berkabus and my pictures jadi macam cerah plus blur sebab sejuk.⛆ So, kinda covered my flaws yang ada sikit dekat muka (time ni my face ada sikit acnes + scars sebab Izz busy sangat dengan extra classes, studygroup and more: well it is SPM kan ). 

Decided to post it on Instagram, both story and feed. Izz post dengan caption " Wish me luck for the result next year on my birthday! Many more days comin' ". Somehow, this one toxic guy commented and replied for my post said "flawlessnya dalam gambar tapi real life tak pun". SERIOUS TALK IT WAS DEEPLY HURT IN MY HEART. ( IF I LEARN LAW AT THIS TIME FOR SURE I WILL SUE HIM FOR CYBER-BULLYING ME UNDER CMA1998 ). What did I do? I deleted the photo, moody for the whole day; because I had never been told like that before, I do not have any experience in this situation where people judge me harshly. I rarely accept harsh critiques.😣

I do not found any good skincare brand for my skin. I spent lots of money just to fix my skin problem. Thanks God my skin tak worst, it just stay macam itu saja; ada sikit acnes and scars. Izz went for a short vacay dengan my besties untuk release stress SPM. 🌄Alhamdulillah it works. 

First month after SPM ended. Izz kerja in middle of January 2019 dekat Alor Setar, Kedah as a beauty consultant. Manager asked me reti makeup or not time interview kerja, and of course I said yes, terus lulus and ready masuk kerja next two days. She asked me to use the makeup tools in our outlet, Izz cakap my face sensitive but that is what everyone doing. Izz kena akur, and you all boleh bayang tak? Guna makeup tools dekat office? Dekat otlet; which is the TESTER! Seriously Izz tak selesa to use it. Sebab my face literally Izz tengah nak bagi heal. So I brought my own brushes, use my own sponges (beauty blenders), use my own primer and foundation.💄

As week passing, my face tak boleh adapt dengan cosmetics dekat office. 💔This is when my darkest moment starts. two weeks working, and this is my skin:

It is getting worst day by day. January, February, March, April. Plus muka Izz burn sebab dekat Kedah panas.

Tak kerap post gambar dekat socmed, kalau post mesti from snappie sebab ada filter. 😂 LOL siapa saja nak post muka breakout, bukan? Malu sangat, everytime nak keluar, penat sangat-sangat nak pakai foundation banyak untuk cover scars ( sebab Izz biasa akan guna foundation sikit sahaja; plus tak pakai compact powder sebab Izz tak nak nampak tebal and cakey. So Izz guna loose powder sahaja). Lenguh tangan sebab nak blend supaya tak nampak too much. Pernah menangis and cancel nak keluar sebab malas nak continue makeup.😢

Down? Demi Allah, sakit sangat rasa. 

For your information, my sister got married in March 2019. 👰Ya, time muka Izz tengah teruk. But, Alhamdulillah masa event muka Izz tiada satu pun acne, cuma parut yang banyak sangat; I have no choice, selain do heavy makeup. Because I will be everywhere my kakak at, untuk tolong dia, pegang baju, bawa tisu, payung and so on. Izz bersyukur sangat it turns very well, bila siap album, cantik sangat gambar semua (of course also sebab Photographer dah edit ). 📷But, apa yang Izz nak cerita, along the event, for preparation (my family masih merewang, means there is no catering at all), Izz of course akan berada di dapur untuk potong bawang, carikan alatan memasak dalam stor, keluarkan bekas buffet makanan, senang kata banyak sangatlah. 

What makes me sad is, people yang tegur my skin condition. Here is a list.

1) My aunt

2) My uncle

3) Makcik bawang

Sakit, sakit sangat. Dekat dapur? Who's gonna wear makeup? I can say, not me! Bila mereka buka mulut, and start questioning me " Kenapa dengan muka? ", "Silap pakai produk ke? ", "Kenapa muka teruk sangat? ". The two yang backup me on that time, my mom and my Angah, they both said it is normal sebab I'm still a teenager. Izz senyap, lari masuk bilik, kunci and masuk toilet, menangis. Menangis sepuas hati. Meraung. Sakit. It hurts. There is no word can describe my feelings. Screaming, tanya Tuhan kenapa bagi semua itu dekat Izz. I'm not that strong to face all those words. Blaming God for everything. Screams and screams. Menangis, buka shower, and biarkan that water heals my bleeding heart. 🚿Crying for hours (around 2hours lebih). Sampai terketar-ketar and kecut jari.  (My situation is like this main post punya photo) 

Change my outfits, solat, smile and back to the kitchen. 😊

Moving on, kuatkan hati. Ask forgiveness from Allah, for saying those words that day. 🙏Maybe I'm being too emotional? Or it just people who are not sensitive about it? Well, Izz tak pernah breakout seteruk this time, maybe that is why Izz sedih. 😞

I didn't stop putting efforts to get my normal skin back. I struggle so hard. Read about basic skincare, learn how to take care of my skin and more. 

Alhamdulillah in May 2019, my skin better sikit. Boleh celebrate Hari Raya happily, and prepare for my foundation in early June. Release my own hijab brand and ready to start a new phase. 💪

Allah knows what is the best for me. Sepanjang asasi, my skin tak teruk, scars healing sikit-sikit and kalau ada acne pun mesti sebab hormone (PMS). Cuma, my skin jadi sensitive sangat-sangat sebab awal-awal masuk foundation, Izz kena Viral Exanthem. Also allergic dekat habuk and macam-macam lagi. My skin okay saja dekat ASiD. So, pergi class kadang dengan bare face saja sebab muka dah elok sikit. 💃

My life went well. Confident untuk present task, present case, selfie, OOTD, and bercakap dengan siapa-siapa saja. Everything is beautiful, June, July, August, September, October, November, December. And January 2020.

Tapi, Allah uji sekali lagi. 2020. February.

My skin starts breakout balik. I don't even know why. Maybe ada Izz tersilap jaga muka. Before that kan Izz happy sangat-sangat sebab my skin tak teruk (scars ada tapi tak ketara). 

                                                                                 skin starts breaking out

Did not expect PKP in March! After celebrating by birthday, Beardy Farhan hantar Izz balik rumah kakak Izz untuk singgah ambil cake, but somehow esoknya PKP. Seriously Izz tak bawa balik any skincare! Sebab nak singgah saja. Campus dah tak boleh masuk, kedai banyak yang tutup. Stay lah Izz untuk dua bulan dekat rumah kakak Izz, even tak nak pun. Without any skincare. Somehow kakak Izz ada bagi sabun dia, konon concern dekat skin Izz lah. But, my skin is getting worst again.

A week before Hari Raya, Izz balik rumah. Macam-macam usaha untuk balik kampung, 2 bulan stress terperap dekat Bangi, Izz berjaya balik dengan jayanya. Hahahah. Alright, balik rumah Izz start untuk heal balik skin Izz. ANOTHER STRUGGLE PHASE STARTS AGAIN (including some other problems I have to face).💪

Untuk skin journey Izz dekat Kelantan nanti Izz share dekat next posting! 😜So, stay tuned untuk tahu skincare apa Izz guna, makanan tambahan apa Izz consume, and my routine! In the end you all akan tahu how's my skin condition now. Doakan Izz kuat.

Credit will be given in next post!

Love,

Moonpie.